Two Kinds of Change

Change happens in one of two ways. Either you make it happen, or it happens to you. Either you live a life of your own choosing, or others choose for you.

Perhaps you are one of those rare people who fully accept their power to effect positive change — in their own life, and for the benefit of others. They base their life on the choices they make. They don’t spend time complaining or blaming others for what happens, and they don’t take much time out to explain or justify their actions. They trust their own judgment as well as the judgment of their team - those who they rely on to hold them accountable. They have a good sense of their own and others’ intrinsic worth.

There’s a motto here: “No complaining, blaming, explaining, or shaming!”

They also trust their own integrity, and so they become trustworthy to others. They don’t cultivate friendships based on mutual disaffection. They are not looking for reasons why bad things happen. They are looking for solutions and results.

If this seems simplistic then look at the lives of people who have truly made a difference in the world. Look at the lessons of history, or look at present day examples. Examine the lives of people like Dr. Martin Luther King, Archbishop Romero, Albert Schweitzer, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa. These people were not without their faults. What sets them apart from others was their vision for change, and their determination to act on that vision. Think of your own examples. Think of the people who have brought about social change. Fame is not the issue. The issue is whether they effected positive change in the lives of others. Don’t look for perfection. When we idealize others, all we are doing is creating a false yardstick with which to measure our own flaws.

Or are you one of those people who thinks that change is something that just happens based on the belief that your actions can’t have any lasting positive effect? If so you are in the majority. And you also probably blame circumstances, events, or other people for many of the difficulties you encounter.

This is not to deny the reality of history. It does not mean that we dismiss the reality of the systemic exploitation of human beings and of the resources of the planet. It simply challenges each one of us to pose the question, “How can I change this pattern of exploitation in the most effective way by refusing to see myself as a victim?”

How can I live by the motto: “No complaining, blaming, explaining, or shaming!”

Shaking the Tree.

“What does not change is the will to change?” Who said that? Pindar perhaps.

The Buddha suggested that resistance to the natural process of change is a cause of unhappiness. Forcing change to happen can be equally problematic. Change is evolution. What I mean by change is a change in values and perspectives, rather than simply a change in outward circumstances.

Change means adaptation. It is the power to respond in new ways, to always re-evaluate. To be open - always. To listen, even when we are afraid.

As a teacher and a facilitator of change, if I am to help others change their lives, I must also know that some people will be impatient, while others will be left behind. Some will be disinterested, or even take the invitation to re-evaluate their assumptions and habits as a personal affront, others will embrace the challenge.

Leadership is very much about catalyzing appropriate change and then implementing it in an appropriate manner. You can’t make everyone happy all the time. To do so you would make you an enabler at best. It could make you complicit in preventing the best from emerging. The best emerges - in an individual, in a community, or in wherever context you work in - in its own time, catalyzed, in part, by what that person or community is willing to learn in the process.

I have noticed that the work towards personal change that I have facilitated for several years (Meditation and Mindfulness drawn from Buddhist traditions) has often been a way for people to feel better about things they have decided they can't change in themselves, rather than actually being a means of effecting genuine personal change.

I am aware that meditation practices that espouse change often do not really encourage people to change basic habits and perceptions. Is that sad or what? I have noticed that some practices actually anchor people into despair, dysfunction, and resistance to really questioning their ‘stuff’ and console them by encouraging them to believe that they are part of an elite community that understands things more deeply than other people.

It was that way with me too. There were times when I was stubbornly stuck. Am I a bad teacher and a bad student? Maybe. Though what I am describing is something I see in various chronic dysfunctional forms in Buddhist centers of different varieties (and in other 'spiritual' contexts too). It's a disease that infects religious thinking and institutions. Stasis. Denial. Dogmatism. Complacency. . .

But now I am excited about change. I am excited about person change that takes place outside of religious or political constructs (are they any different?) - dogmas, fixed systems, and rigid therapeutic modalities.

Therapy is ‘why’.

Buddhism is . . . . well, it's many things. Unfortunately it also can be,
'don't challenge authority'.
or 'practice more and harder and then you will understand'.
Although in essence it encourages us to 'keep asking questions, don’t take anything on faith.' In fact it's often 'don't question me'.

My own interest now is ‘how’ and ‘let’s do it!'

Now the combination of tools that I use to facilitate change, tools I have been given, over many years, adapted and honed, and which I continue to examine and refine and challenge are, if I say so myself, pretty exciting; and judging by the results I am getting from clients and students, pretty darn effective too!

Learn more at manzanitavillage.org and 5changescoaching.com

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